Biblical Proof that God Loves the Green Bay Packers

(image courtesy of gridironcity.com)

Didn't I tell y'all two weeks ago?  Green Bay Packers--2011 Super Bowl Champs!  AAAAAAAAGH!

From Monday, January 24:

I've been blogging the Bible for nearly two years now, and I hope that during that time, I've been able to reveal a glimmer of Judeo-Christian scripture's wisdom and beauty.  But, kind readers, I begin today's post with an apology:

For nearly 24 months, I've hidden what may be one of the Bible's deepest secrets.  I've kept it from you for these long weeks while I awaited confirmation of its truth--confirmation that finally arrived yesterday afternoon.

On Sunday, January 23, the Green Bay Packers defeated the Chicago Bears to become the first NFC sixth seed to advance to the Super Bowl.  This miraculous run--which ended with five straight wins over teams with a combined regular-season record of 44-20--proves what I've always thought true: God loves the Green Bay Packers.

Don't believe me?  Well I've got proof--indisputable Biblical evidence that the Lord of the Universe has a rooting interest in the success of the greatest, most storied franchise in the NFL. So without further adieu, my greatest Bible discovery so far, in seven tidy bullet points ...

--The apocryphal book of Ecclesiasticus claims that God will "[add] glory to Aaron and give him a heritage."  The Packers' perennial MVP candidate Aaron Rodgers is gaining glory with every spectacular playoff performance, and his heritage is a Super Bowl win.

--1 Kings 6:15 claims that Solomon, son of King David, "covered them on the inside with wood." Packers' cornerback--and reigning defensive MVP--Charles Woodson covers inside like a prince; since becoming a Packer in 2006, he's snagged 30 interceptions with his stellar interior defense. 


--Titus 1:7 declares that a bishop must not be "greedy for gain."  Packers LB Desmond Bishop energetically rejected dozens of opponents' gains during the 2010 season, racking up 103 tackles and forcing two fumbles.  In the NFC championship game, he led the team in tackles with eight, stymieing even more gain.

--Isaiah 34:11 declares that the "hawk" will "possess" enemy territory.  This year, Packers Linebacker A.J. Hawk owned his opponents' backfields, collecting 111 tackles.  Isaiah continues, "He shall stretch the line of confusion over it" (34:12).  Hawk has confused offensive lines since he entered the league five years ago.
 
--1 Chronicles 22:15 calls the masons that completed the temple "skilled in working."  The Packers' own Mason Crosby is himself "skilled in working"--kicks through the uprights, that is.  In the 2010 season, Crosby converted on nearly 80% of his field goals and crushed a 56-yarder in week 1 against the Eagles.

--In 2 Samuel 22:36 the author exclaims that God has provided the "shield of [his] salvation."  He continues, "your help has made me great."  In yesterday's NFC championship, rookie CB Sam Shields delivered "great" help to a tiring secondary, grabbing not one but two picks--including the dagger that killed a last-minute, game-tying drive by the Bears.

--And finally, Revelation 8:1 reads, "When the Lamb o-pened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour."  Similarly, thirty minutes of reverent silence fell over Green Bay in 1957 when Lambeau Field opened, ushering in fifty-four years (and counting) of the greatest football ever played.

So there you have it--amazing but true!  Yahweh is a cheesehead.  I could continue my list, but the afternoon is waning, and I've only got 13 days to plan the most righteous Super Bowl party ever.  Go Pack!