Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Iowa Pol Finds AIDS in the Bible!

Initially, I didn't want to spend too much time on Iowa State Senate hopeful Jeremy Walters, who recently reported on his facebook page that AIDS is God's punishment for homosexuality. (And why, again, do campaigns allow their candidates unfettered access to facebook?) But after scanning his brilliantly asinine assault on reason, common decency, and basic grammar, I can't help myself ...

As support for his radical claim, Walters trots out an old favorite of the gay-bashing right, Leviticus 20:13. "If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death; their blood is upon them."

Crippling the English language as he cripples his candidacy, Walters begins his piercing commentary, "This tells me alot so should we kill them NO." Well, we've got a humanitarian in our midst, don't we! I can see the campaign posters now: "Jeremy Walters '10: He won't summarily execute homosexuals!"

But Walters isn't done; he continues, "They also need to know that when it says that their blood shall be upon them that tells me it is AIDS." You heard it here first, folks: ancient Jewish jurists identified the HIV virus more than 25 centuries before modern scientists did--and Jeremy Walters has the scriptural evidence to back it up!

But Walters is humble about his remarkable discovery. He wraps up his post, "Thats how I feel." Let it never be said that modesty is dead--though correct apostrophe usage is teetering dangerously on the brink.

In a follow-up post, Walters comes out swinging: "homosexual 'GAY' is not of God!!!!" Personally, I wasn't sure I agreed with him until the fourth exclamation point. After quoting the Leviticus passage again in full, he ends with a flourish: "Only a Fool says there is no God." And only a luminary of Walters's caliber could transition so fluently from epidemiology to exegesis to theology in the span of two short status updates.

To sum up, I can only chime with fellow facebook aficionado Jason Bellinger and "like this" (see the posts, below). I'm signing up to campaign for Walters later this afternoon, because this is clearly change we can believe in.

3 comments:

  1. Um - did this Jeremy Walters bozo EVER take an English class? Should someone tell him "alot" isn't a word? And neither is "thats"? And perhaps how to count, so that his single subject can have a single verb conjugation?

    Or am I just a liberal, ivory-tower pedant?

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  2. To clarify: the luminous Mr. Walters writes "The Holy Bible say" - or is that just street slang in Iowa?

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  3. Maybe he's being faux-Jamaican ... or channeling his inner Bob Marley. :)

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